Summary

In "When Things Fall Apart," Pema Chödrön offers compassionate guidance for navigating difficult times, drawing from Buddhist teachings. The book explores how to work with fear, groundlessness, and the challenges of life. Chödrön emphasizes the importance of developing loving-kindness towards oneself (maitri) as the foundation for awakening a compassionate attitude towards our pain and the pain of others. She encourages readers to embrace uncertainty and find peace in the present moment, rather than seeking lasting pleasure or avoiding pain. The book explores the concept of leaning into the sharp points, inviting in what we usually avoid, and finding wisdom in difficult emotions.

Chödrön discusses the eight worldly dharmas—pleasure and pain, loss and gain, fame and disgrace, praise and blame—and how attachment to these opposites keeps us trapped in suffering. She encourages us to become inquisitive about these dharmas and how they hook us, using this self-awareness as a means for growth and contentment. The book also delves into the six kinds of loneliness, advocating for a nonthreatening relationship with loneliness that involves less desire, contentment, avoiding unnecessary activity, complete discipline, and not seeking security from discursive thoughts. Chödrön introduces tonglen, a practice of sending and receiving, as a way to awaken bodhichitta (noble or awakened heart). This practice involves breathing in pain and sending out pleasure, reversing our usual habits and cultivating compassion.

The book explores how to turn what we habitually regard as obstacles into opportunities for growth and understanding. Chödrön discusses the four maras—devaputra (seeking pleasure), skandha (re-creating ourselves), klesha (strong emotions), and yama (fear of death)—and how these forces can be used to awaken our awareness and cultivate nonaggression. She emphasizes that true communication can only happen in an open space, free from judgment and blame. Chödrön also highlights the importance of going against the grain of our usual patterns, using our personal stuckness as a stepping stone to understanding the human dilemma.

The six paramitas, or transcendent actions, are presented as activities for servants of peace: generosity, discipline, patience, exertion, meditation, and prajna (wisdom). These actions are discussed not as rigid rules but as journeys of exploration. Chödrön emphasizes the importance of making the dharma personal, exploring it wholeheartedly, and relaxing. The book concludes with the message that the path is the goal, that the source of wisdom is whatever is happening to us right now, and that everything is workable. She encourages readers to assume responsibility for being present in this unpredictable world and to use difficult situations as opportunities for awakening and growth.