Summary
In "The Sacred Search: What If It’s Not About Finding the Right Person, But Becoming the Right Person?", Gary Thomas challenges conventional wisdom about finding a spouse, urging readers to prioritize spiritual compatibility and shared mission over fleeting romantic feelings. Thomas emphasizes that marriage is not about finding someone who completes you, but about partnering with someone to seek first the kingdom of God, and that the *why* of marriage is more important than the *who*.
Thomas deconstructs the popular notion of finding a 'soul mate,' tracing its origins and highlighting its potential pitfalls. He advocates for a more pragmatic, biblically informed approach to choosing a spouse, one grounded in wisdom, prayer, and counsel. The book stresses the importance of evaluating a potential partner's character, compatibility, and life goals, while remaining open to God's guidance. He identifies several common marriage styles, such as 'Spiritual Sole Mate,' 'Business Buddies,' and 'Romantic Idealists,' to help readers understand their unspoken assumptions and future desires, encouraging open and honest conversations about what each partner truly wants out of marriage.
The book delves into the essential characteristics for building a lasting, intimate marriage, including humility, forgiveness, healthy conflict resolution, communication, and a shared commitment to prayer. Thomas underscores the importance of relational compatibility, where partners appreciate each other's personality and character, and recreational compatibility, where shared activities and hobbies enhance intimacy. He also explores environmental compatibility, encouraging couples to discuss their preferences for where to live, how to raise children, and how to balance career aspirations with family responsibilities.
"The Sacred Search" addresses the challenges of maintaining a spiritually vibrant marriage, even when faced with unexpected life crises. It encourages readers to consider their partner's ability to handle medical setbacks, financial difficulties, and the demands of parenthood. Thomas challenges the idea that one should marry for mercy, urging readers to prioritize finding a partner who is capable of growing in holiness and fulfilling their unique calling in Christ. The book emphasizes the importance of a clear understanding of gender roles within the marriage, and both members should share this understanding.
Moreover, Thomas examines the impact of a partner's sexual past on the relationship, discussing the effects of pornography and promiscuity on marital intimacy. He stresses the importance of dealing with past wounds and seeking healing in order to build a healthy, God-honoring sexual relationship within marriage. Throughout "The Sacred Search", Thomas emphasizes the transformative power of grace and the importance of relying on God's guidance and strength to navigate the complexities of choosing a spouse and building a lifelong partnership based on love, respect, and shared purpose.