Summary

In "Give and Take," organizational psychologist Adam Grant challenges the traditional notion of success, arguing that givers, those who prioritize contributing value to others, often achieve greater long-term success than takers or matchers. Grant introduces the concept of reciprocity styles: givers contribute without keeping score, takers strive to gain more than they give, and matchers aim for an equal balance. He argues that while givers may sometimes face setbacks, their generosity builds goodwill, trust, and a strong network that ultimately benefits them.

The book explores how givers excel in networking by building wide, diverse connections and rekindling dormant ties. Their willingness to help without expecting immediate reciprocity creates a ripple effect, leading others to reciprocate their generosity and open doors to unexpected opportunities. Givers also shine in collaborative settings. By prioritizing group interests, volunteering for less desirable tasks, and sharing credit generously, they earn respect, trust, and creative license from colleagues. This fosters psychological safety, encouraging innovation and improving group performance.

In evaluating others, givers recognize potential where others might not. They focus on motivation and grit, believing that anyone can bloom given the right encouragement and support. Rather than solely seeking out stars, they cultivate talent by fostering interest and pushing people to exceed their own expectations. This long-term perspective pays dividends as givers develop the most promising individuals, even if those individuals don't initially stand out.

Givers also take a unique approach to influencing others. They utilize "powerless communication," expressing vulnerability, asking questions, speaking tentatively, and seeking advice. This counterintuitive strategy can be more effective than forceful persuasion. By admitting weaknesses and seeking input, givers build trust and create a space for others to contribute. This allows them to present themselves as advocates and build prestige, making their messages more persuasive.

However, Grant acknowledges the risks of giving. Selfless givers, who prioritize others' needs to the detriment of their own, often burn out. Successful givers, on the other hand, are "otherish": they demonstrate concern for others while also pursuing their own ambitions. They avoid burnout by making giving a joyful choice, chunking their giving rather than sprinkling it, and seeking support from their network. By recognizing agreeable takers or "fakers," and adapting their behavior accordingly, otherish givers protect themselves from exploitation. They utilize "generous tit for tat," reciprocating generosity while occasionally forgiving bad behavior. Finally, givers overcome the doormat effect by advocating for their own interests, particularly when framed as benefiting others, such as their families or teams. Grant concludes by urging readers to embrace their giver instincts in a way that creates value for everyone.