Summary
"The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant" is a deeply personal and often humorous account by Dan Savage about his journey into parenthood with his boyfriend, Terry. The book begins by establishing the dynamics of their relationship, highlighting their quirky yet relatable conflicts, such as their ongoing debate over dance music in the car. This sets the stage for their decision to pursue adoption, a path less traveled for gay couples at the time.
The narrative vividly captures their experiences navigating the complexities of the adoption process, specifically focusing on their choice of open adoption. Savage doesn't shy away from sharing their anxieties and ethical considerations as they interact with the adoption agency, attend mandatory seminars, and grapple with the emotional weight of infertility issues that predominantly concern straight couples. The book delves into the nuances of open adoption, contrasting it with closed adoption, and explores the challenges and rewards of having a birth mother involved in their child's life.
As they progress through the adoption process, Savage candidly shares his and Terry's inner thoughts and motivations for wanting to become parents. He questions the societal expectations placed on gay men, the allure of 'DINK' (Double Income, No Kids) lifestyles, and the search for deeper meaning in life beyond career and relationships. Savage also reflects on their past, including his experiences with lesbians looking for a sperm donor, which further illuminates his path to adopting a child.
Throughout the book, Savage contemplates various challenges that may arise as gay parents, from societal prejudices to personal insecurities. The complexities of telling their families about their decision to adopt and their encounters with well-meaning but sometimes ignorant questions are portrayed with honesty and wit. The book takes an unexpected turn as the couple is selected by a birth mother, Melissa, who comes from a vastly different background than they do. Melissa, a young, homeless gutter-punk, challenges their preconceived notions of parenthood and forces them to confront their own biases and assumptions.
As the adoption process nears completion, the couple grapples with various issues surrounding Melissa and their relationship with her. The book explores their anxieties surrounding fetal alcohol syndrome, the ethical considerations of compensating the birth mother, and the potential impact of Melissa's unconventional lifestyle on their child's life. Despite the challenges, they ultimately decide to move forward with the adoption, recognizing the importance of providing a loving home for their child.
The story culminates with the birth of their son, whom they name Daryl Jude, and their journey into the realities of fatherhood. While the road to parenthood was not without its doubts, difficulties, and unexpected turns, Savage's narrative provides a humorous, thought-provoking, and deeply human exploration of love, family, and what it truly means to be a parent.