Summary

In Smashed, Koren Zailckas chronicles her descent into alcohol abuse, starting with her first taste of Southern Comfort at age fourteen. She details the evolution of her drinking habits, from early experimentation with Natalie at a lake house to high school parties fueled by a desire to fit in and escape her anxieties. Zailckas's narrative explores the allure of alcohol as a means of social connection, numbing emotional pain, and achieving a sense of liberation. As she progresses through high school and into college at Syracuse University, her drinking escalates, leading to blackouts, hangovers, and risky behaviors.

The college years mark a period of excessive drinking, fueled by peer pressure, social gatherings, and the pervasive drinking culture on campus. Zailckas joins a sorority, where drinking is rampant, and forms close bonds with other young women who also struggle with alcohol abuse. She describes the various types of parties, the rituals of getting drunk, and the emotional vulnerability that often accompanies these experiences. Zailckas's narrative also touches on the complexities of female friendships, the pressures of college life, and the search for identity.

As Zailckas continues to rely on alcohol to cope with her emotions and navigate social situations, she experiences several troubling incidents, including a near-overdose that lands her in the hospital. Her drinking leads to strained relationships, risky sexual encounters, and a growing sense of self-destruction. Despite attempts to moderate her alcohol consumption and even periods of abstinence, she repeatedly falls back into old patterns, fueled by the pervasive drinking culture in her social circles.

After college, Zailckas moves to New York City and begins her career in the media industry. She discovers that the adult world presents new challenges and temptations related to alcohol. Work-related social events, the pressure to network, and the fast-paced lifestyle of the city contribute to her continued alcohol abuse. Zailckas also grapples with romantic relationships complicated by her drinking habits, and she observes how alcohol continues to play a central role in her social interactions.

Zailckas's journey eventually leads her to a turning point, prompted by a particularly disturbing incident that forces her to confront the negative consequences of her drinking. She begins to question her relationship with alcohol and recognizes the need for change. She explores various paths to recovery, including attending AA meetings and seeking support from friends and family. The narrative concludes with Zailckas reflecting on the challenges and rewards of sobriety, the importance of self-awareness, and the complexities of female friendships shaped by alcohol abuse.