Summary

Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss is a practical guide to negotiation, drawing from his experience as the FBI's lead international kidnapping negotiator. Voss argues that traditional negotiation strategies based on logic and rationality often fail because they neglect the powerful role of emotions. He introduces a new approach emphasizing tactical empathy, active listening, and psychological techniques to influence and persuade others.

The book opens with Voss's experience negotiating against Harvard Law professors in a mock kidnapping scenario, where his unconventional methods proved surprisingly effective. He highlights the limitations of traditional negotiation models, which assume rationality, and emphasizes the importance of understanding the irrational, emotional drivers behind human behavior. Voss introduces the concept of "tactical empathy," which involves understanding the feelings and mindset of the other person to gain influence.

The book details several techniques Voss honed during his FBI career. "Mirroring" involves repeating the last few words of what someone says, triggering them to elaborate and connect. "Labeling" identifies and acknowledges emotions, diffusing negativity and reinforcing positives. Voss emphasizes the power of "No," explaining how it gives the speaker a sense of control and opens up the conversation. He advises negotiators to seek "No" to understand objections and clarify wants.

Voss introduces calibrated questions, queries that begin with "How" or "What." These questions encourage the other side to solve your problems, giving them the illusion of control. He emphasizes the importance of guaranteeing execution, ensuring follow-through beyond the initial "Yes." The book concludes with a discussion of "Black Swans," hidden pieces of information that can dramatically shift the negotiation dynamic. Voss encourages finding and using these Black Swans to gain leverage and close extraordinary deals.